A Hernia… well it’s in the past, the operation fixed it, I hope!

After walking around for several months with pain in my lower back my frolleague forced me into an appointment with a doctor. “Go to the hospital and get a radio” the doctor said.
Radio done, just a light problem that could be fixed with some massages and exercises. Not!!! It just got worst. “Go to the hospital and get a scan” the doctor said.
Scan done, it’s a Hernia and a big one, you’ll need an operation… Ok appointment made for at the hospital to get a check up for the operation.

One week before the appointment I could hardly walk anymore. Using my office chair to get around at home I decided that I had to go to the emergency. I wouldn’t stand another week.

Luckily I went, they kept me and the operation was planned 2 days later! Yes, get that damn Hernia out of me!

No 4 weeks later I’m almost back to normal again, it’s in the past… just a bit stiffness in my lower back at the hight of the scar. Not yet back to work, but able to sit and to move around again outside!

But imagine, the first 3 weeks after the operation… hardly any pain but I had to stay on my back in bed. Being used to do everything myself, I had all of a sudden family and friends around to do shopping, cleaning and even the laundry. There was this feeling of discomfort of course as others where doing my things… but it was needed. What a luck that I have them around!

I’m happy to be almost back now! Need to get a bit more fit still but then it’s back to school!

Can’t wait 🙂

One Year Later

It has been a while that I’ve been writing on my blog here… Guess I was occupied with other matters that at the time seemed to be more interesting, important or whatever.

Today it is Saturday afternoon, my lover is in the past, the door closed and won’t open again… Finally! It took some time for me to say goodbye to this one.

It seems to be a kind of habit for me… continuing when you already know it is not good for either both. Of course not to forget to mention that when it’s not good for myself I can keep on going on without any “limits”! Dissatisfaction is there but who cares? I believe I don’t love myself enough to not let things like this happen all the time.

Question is of course… is it because of my childhood? My parents gave me an excellent example on how not to love each other but at the same time didn’t gave me any sense of limits. Yes you can shout to someone when you are upset but… can one scream? can one say the ugliest words that exist to the one that you are supposed to love? when is it over the limit? I don’t know… I can guess but I am used to so much that I hardly can imagine what this does to the other?

All questions that come to my mind today… and I struggle to find the right balance.

Think it’s time to find a scale!

Power back?

Last time I was stating that I was getting my powers back… Well that statement was wrong. Unfortunately… It wasn’t the case. Instead of getting back my powered I was collecting more and more frustration without really noticing this. Such a bad way to live!

It was not that I did not see this coming but it came very slowly. Even my holiday in between did not really help. The holiday was wonderful but getting back at work I could not catch up with my own job. I guess that at the same time my relationship was going down did not improve the situation.

Being back here typing this makes me realise that I should stick more to myself and not get depended on others. It always seems to be disappointing when I do this.

I’m going o holiday again so things should be better upon my return. I will try to write during my holiday a bit per day. I’ll try that is. Not to forget that it is time to really relax and take distance from certain things.

Time is flying at the moment

So many things to do, so many things to finish… They say time flies when you are having fun but fun is far and away.
We are already December now. Almost 1 month ago that I started to put my thoughts here.

How is it that whenever we have a short deadline time itself seems to be going faster? I never understood this one. As a kid the days where passing slowly sometimes. With some jobs the time is like a turtle. But the older you get and with the right job it is like a spurt towards the end of life.

Is it all imagination or just perception…

Well either way, it is about time to get this tree and put some decoration in it too. Otherwise I might even forget that it is almost Christmas again. 🙂

2010 here I come

Stubborn or determined…

After spending my day being frustrated with my lover I decided to go visit my lover as my lover was not answering my calls or messages in a proper way for several days.

It was not easy as my lover did not want to open the door. I had decided not to leave before we spoke face to face. So I kept my finger on the bell.

At the same time an employee of my lover was passing and she said hello how are you? She is a very kind girl that I saw ones or twice… but as I was so determined and a bit upset I could not answer anything else than that I was not ok. She was shocked of course. Normally one would answer “I’m fine thank you, how are you?”. Not being sure how to react she said: “ooh… eh… ok bye.” and she walked away. Thinking of it now this short interaction was quite funny 😀

I was of course still with my finger on the doorbell. After some discussion trough the speaker of the doorbell the door was opened. My lover was looking at me with a face of a little kid… trying to be upset with my stubbornness in order to speak together but at the same time there was a kind of smile on the face saying “my god” you really push until you get your way.

We had our talk together, me explaining that if I was a part of the life of my lover it should be clear that not answering the phone and not answering my messages is unacceptable and not very respectful. My lover was explaining the situation of my lovers company and that my lover needed the time to fix things.

The sky is now cleared again… We even had some laughter together.

I’m back home now. My frustrations are gone and I’m relaxed again. I’m happy that I did not listen to my partner and that I just did what I felt was important for our relationship.

My day seems to be ending in a nice way… on the sofa with a nice glass of wine.

Is it good to follow those strong feelings in order to be satisfied or should one listen to the voice of a partner? I don’t know.
Anyway today it seemed to be the right thing.

But still the question is: Was it stubbornness or determination what moved me?